I enjoy conversation. I do not always enjoy small talk. Unfortunately for me, conversation is almost always preceded by small talk. So often times, I’m just doomed to be awkward and not so friendly.

We live our lives on many levels. The surface level is what we most often express outwardly, while inwardly our thoughts and heart explore an incomprehensible spectrum of emotions and worldviews.

We all have a level at which we feel most alive. A level that we feel was made for us. For some of us, we are most comfortable with small talk, with witty banter and recounting positive/funny stories about what happened the other day. For others, we like to live on a deeper, more intellectual level. These type of people ask the big, “why” questions of the universe, and love working out different answers to those questions. And still even others enjoy living in touch more with their emotions, taking the big “why” questions and making them personal to their lives. These are people who open up to one another about their struggles and heartaches. These aren’t always the most uplifting conversations, but they are necessary.

And throughout my short life I have come to realize how important it is the spend time on each of these levels. The person who spends too much time on the surface level will be thought of as shallow, fake, or incapable of being authentic. But at the same time, no one wants to spend time with someone who is constantly burdening everyone with world changing questions about the universe. Just as no one wants to spend all their time with someone who is constantly lamenting over yet another broken heart. As Solomon says, there is a time and season for all things.

Of course we will have our level of communication that we feel most comfortable with, and we will find people who live on that same level with us, and they will be our great friends. But we must also surround ourselves with different minded people, this will help us to further explore being a full, expressive human being, instead of a one track minded robot.

Community is one of God’s greatest gifts to us. He says, “it is not good for man to be alone”. Community is impossible without conversation. To understand how we converse is to study how we can more intentionally draw into a strong community. And strong community has the potential to bring so much life.

-jon

I see you, a righteous man. One of the most righteous men I know, laid out, face down for the count before the Lord. Tears watering the carpet.

And I, a broken, dirt licking sinner, cannot bring a brim of moisture to my eyelid.

What is wrong with this picture?

What happened to the days when I felt your presence in every move I made? When I could smell you on my breath? When you filled me to the brim? Where did they go?

I spend my life on meaningless idols. I frequent the market of tainted goods. I spit at the foot of the cross that has saved me.

How can I carry a bag so heavy and lay it at your feet? This burden presses down on my shoulders, which press down on my heart, which presses me feet down further and further into the clay.

I will not fear, however. I will not fear bringing everything to you.

I will be broken.

Everyday if necessary.

I will let the river flow. I will let it all flow out, to make room for you to flow in.

I’m so forgetful, but you always remind me, you’re the only one who brings me peace.


-jon

It’s a humble moment when you realize God hasn’t given up on you.

To be honest, these last couple weeks I have really been in the muck. At first, when tragedy struck, it felt so easy to cling to God, knowing the promise of His almighty power over my circumstances and that He could transform them in an instant if He wanted to.

But then an instant passed, and my face was still in the dirt. It was still difficult to get up every morning. And even though there were moments where I truly felt like I was in the light once again, the overwhelming question burning in my head as I hit the pillow each night was, “How long is this going to go on God?” I wanted the trial to be over, but I didn’t have the courage or the desire to take positive steps toward healing.

I threw up a prayer yesterday morning asking God for a few things. I prayed that I might hear a testimony of something amazing that He is doing is someone’s life. I hadn’t heard of God’s movement in the world in a personal way in a while.

I also asked Him for encouragement and conviction. I had been feeling down, and I know that two things that always spur me into action are conviction and encouragement.

To ruin the ending of this post for you, God answered all three prayers. But it’s how He answered them that I find so glorious.

A friend of mine had a biopsy done a few days ago. There has been a lot of cancer talk being thrown around, so I texted her at see how she was doing. She in turned asked me about my life and I began to tell her about my struggles and my lack of courage and desire for healing. I first found it amazing and humiliating that the girl who might have cancer was trying to comfort me. How backwards. Then she texted me one thing later on in the day after our conversation was over…

God says, “get up”

This….was awesome. Just the conviction I needed.

Later I got an e-mail from a high school camper that was chalk full of encouragement. Not only encouragement, but she thanked me for my influence on her life using a verse that I had been praying over her for months, but never told her about.

This too…was awesome. Just the encouragement I needed.

Then after dinner, I was driving with some of my brothers, and each of them began sharing testimony about the amazing things God was doing in their lives. How they were witnessing, loving, learning, and growing.

This of course…was beyond awesome. Just the testimony I needed.

God had performed the trifecta in one day. It’s a humble moment when you realize God has not given up on you. It’s an even more humble moment when you realize that not only has He not given up, but He’s still pursuing after you. He is ridiculous.

How do I deserve this?

-jon

Not too long ago I published a post that had a short section of spoken word poetry included at the bottom of it. I have recently expanded it into a longer piece, so i thought I would share it with you all.

Here it goes....

I have all these thoughts in my head
You know what I mean?
These thoughts are not obscene,
But they won’t leave me alone
The quote is Shakespeare’s own, ‘no thought is contented’ he says
If these thoughts were scented
My senses would be on overload
An overload of smelly thoughts
These thoughts, they stink
Cause they make me think
These thoughts
Thoughts of influence
Thoughts of hope
Thoughts of standing up
Thoughts of moving forward
Thoughts of running forward
Thoughts of thinking forward
Thoughts of dreams
Thoughts of never giving up, never giving in, trying to win
Thoughts of giving everything up, I can’t bear to think of it
There are sad thoughts too
Those thoughts that hurt my heart
My heart that bursts open and bleeds for others
Thoughts that cannot be smothered
No matter how unpleasant
Because in the present there are
Thoughts of crying, of dying, genocying
Losing faith, losing wind, a drinking binge, and a dirty syringe
Thoughts of HIV, ADD, and XYZ, there goes another race in the Sudan
And another father who got up and ran
Our world’s being put to the test
And I still need to get some rest
I need some damn rest
But these thoughts won’t let me sleep
They continue to creep through my head
And my bed cannot contain them
These sheets will unravel with potential if I don’t get up
Up, up, to where my thoughts can move
Stretch and move and groove and sooth and improve and grow
Like a weed in my own little thought garden
Full of idea plants and
Thoughts of need
Not wants
But needs
The need for water, medicine, shoes, parents, children, friends, hope, joy, peace, comfort, provision, a vision, decision, a Savior
Thoughts of words, of intention, of invention, the mind, and the power that there in lies, and everything that comes from inside
Because the underside of a bushel is not as comfortable as it sounds friends
So I let my thoughts hit the ground
And go
Where do the thoughts go?
Why can’t there be thoughts?
Thoughts with feet
Thoughts with size twelve men’s feet
Thoughts with new running shoes from Foot Locker
Thoughts of all our thoughts that we ever thought possible
But that’s the thought we’re missing isn’t it?
Possible
The birth of an idea is the birth of a revolution, an evolution, an institution, and a constitution
That’s what’s possible
Because these thoughts with feet become not thoughts at all
And the world we thought turns into the world we think and on the brink of this change our thoughts that we think begin to run
Run the race with no gold just a hold onto a hope
And a vision that we live in from now and tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow
As Mr. Shakespeare says
Tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow

-jon

Luke 24:12

In this passage, Peter hears the news about Jesus possibly having been raised from the dead and he immediately runs to see if it’s true. I could call the man doubtful or unbelieving, but I think what Peter employs here is a more see if for yourself type of faith.

Many times we hear of amazing things God has done or is doing in the lives of others and we simply not or say “amen”. But when we walk away, most of us secretly wish that our lives with God could be that alive, that we could see God that clearly. We say, “I wish I could encounter God the way they do.” But it usually stops at that. Peter’s faith, fault him of not, is one that will not be contented with simply hearing the amazing things God had done. He hears, and then he must see it and experience it for himself.

In regards to this passage then, there are two types of people in this world, hearers who do, and hearers who wish they would. The transition between the first category from the latter is simple. Begin to do. We must not allow ourselves to be contented with hearing of God’s greatness. We must search it out for ourselves.

It’s called having a tenacious faith. Where we live with a constant hunger to see more greatness and movement from our Creator. The best artists are tenacious learners. If you want to be a better writer, you better read the best books. If you want to be a great actor, you better watch some great performances. Great film directors must see all the great films during Oscar season. If something great is being developed in your artistic medium, you better get off your butt and go see it.

This is the faith that Peter has, and the faith that I desire to have. One that is not just content about hearing of God’s greatness, but sprints to the nearest sighting in order to see it. 


-jon

I’ll be honest. I sat in church this morning burdened my some weight and sin in my life. I sat there thinking about anyone and everyone who has ever encouraged me by calling me a “strong man of God” or a “good disciple”, and I wanted to slap them across the face. Not because I don’t appreciate their encouragement, but because I know what a weak soldier I truly am.

I’ve learned a lot about the grace of God in my life. Mostly because I have put myself in innumerable circumstances where I have needed it. And recently I have been learning new lessons as well as relearning old ones. This morning at church was no different, as God reminded me of the relationship between His grace and His constancy.

There is nothing that compares to the constancy of God. It amazes me that week after week I show back up to church or I get on my knees again in prayer, and no matter what I’ve done that week, no matter the struggle, no matter the transgression, God is still there.

No matter what’s happening in the world, hurricane or no hurricane, the songs are still true….

-“The riches of your love will always be enough. Nothing compares to your embrace...”

-“O how He loves us..”

-“Thou my best thought by day or by night. Waking of sleeping, thy presence my light”

-“I may be weak, but your Spirit’s strong in me. My flesh may fail, but my God you never will…”

His word is still true…

            -“Nothing can separate us from the love that we have in Christ Jesus.”

            -“God works out all things for the good of those who love Him…”

            -“He turns the desert into standing water”

            -“His mercies are new every morning”

And they better be, because I am a mess.

There is nothing we can do about it. God’s going to be there, He’s not changing. Thinking about all the things He’s done in my past, or reading about what he’s done in the Old testament, how can I not be confident that He will renew His greatness and constancy in our day, in our time. (Habakkuk 3:2) God is the best friend we can have.

When we experience the constancy of God, we are experiencing the grace of God, and experiencing the grace of God is the number one way to fall more deeply in love with Him. This does not mean that we should seek out sin or wild living. Sin will take care of itself. It’s our acknowledgement of sin and our inconsistency that God’s Spirit will open us up to experience His grace and love.

   -jon